I wonder how this happened? 

So you know how the idiot who robbed us and got his face plastered all over the Sunday Star-Times had a complete, self-written description of what a mong he is on his (now removed) Facebook page?

Well, the guy who almost blinded me with a beer bottle earlier this year is also prone to making self-incriminating statements on his Facebook page, it seems:



O RLY?

We're in court next week.

The laptop pics made the Sunday Star-Times today, you might have noticed (extra pics that weren't in the paper version or in my previous post, for your viewing pleasure/amusement). I began telling my mother and sister about the whole ordeal, when she basically finished the story for me - I was thinking, what, how does she know, so she showed us the article online. Much LOLZ. (Click pic for larger version, about 230k or so.)

It's Saturday morning, 7am and I'm up. Damn. I suppose my body is all 'you've had eight hours sleep, more than you usually get, now, out of bed!' The past couple of weeks on early shifts has given me a good idea, at least at this part of the year, what happens at what time. When I awoke, I knew it was 6.30am, got up to check, and sure enough, it was. I know 'cause at 4am it's dark and quiet, and 4.25am when I leave the house it's dark and quiet (unless my iPod decides to play Master of Puppets), when I get to work at 5am it's dark and quiet, when I sometimes pop out at 6am to get a V from the bakery across the road, it's dark and quiet. So to wake up to dark and birds chirping, I figured it was 6.30am, and no later, cause at 7am it's dark but with hungry cats meiowing.

Our friend Ice McGunface broke the terms of his bail - he was under 24-hour curfew at his place, and he wasn't there when the police checked - and they apparently don't think he is going to turn up to his hearing on Wednesday.So combine that with the deleting of his Facebook, and I guess he's trying to disappear or something.

It would suck, for him, if someone who worked in the newsroom of a television station happened to get a hold of any incriminating photographs...

There's nothing on TV at this hour of Saturday morning. TV One's Best of Breakfast is pretty lame, and as often happens in times of crap TV, I've landed on Fox News. It's amusing to hear the presenters twist everything to suit their station's views, sometimes blatantly, but sometimes more subtly and awkwardly. Like the guy on now, struggling and hesitating to describe global warming as, at the very least, 'partly' man's fault.

Being up this early on a Saturday sucks.

First off, in order to win the war on pollution its waging before the Olympics, Beijing has declared war on the sky. Yes, in order to clear the thick smog that blankets the city, they are going to make it rain by firing chemically-coated artillery shells into the clouds. This ticks so many 'evil genius/axis of evil' boxes - chemical weapons, weather control, misguided science to name but a few.

Viceland.com sent me a message asking if they could link to and do an entry on Ice McGunface, and I told them no. Firstly, Vice, the magazine sucks. I hate Vice. Secondly, I'd imagine their website to be only worse, and there's no telling what crap people might post. Besides, since when did blogs ask people for permission to link to stuff?

Last weekend we had the Star Wars ultramarathon - it's kind of shameful it's taken this long for me write about it! Rob, Jennah and Simon came over during the early parts of The Phantom Menace, which showed commitment, and yeah. Even Tariqa passed on heading out into what was the coldest day of the year and made it to the end! We passed on watching Family Guy's Blue Harvest immediately afterward though, haha.

My sleeping has gotten better, I think the virus I had at the time must've been a lot harsher than I thought - I didn't even know I had one till the doctor said, and now it's gone I'm not so tired yet awake. I'm getting by on six or seven hours a night, which isn't bad.

I had so much I was going to write about, and now I can't remember any of it. If my phone had a camera I could show you the smashed up bus stop on the way to work which used to have a life-size portrait of Ali Williams on it, and now doesn't, but it doesn't have a camera.

Tariqa's written about the neighbours' big fight with the smashed windows and all that last week, but she made it friends only so I suppose I'll have to say something! They were having a domestic long after I'd meant to have gone to sleep. I heard some pretty heavy banging, so called the police - then while I'm on the phone to the operator, there are three loud smashes, none of which sound like bottles.

Come to think of it, sounds of smashing bottles might've signalled even worse trouble to come!

But anyway, I fell asleep once they quietened down (except the baby, which cried long and hard), which must've been when the cops arrived. Today the windows were suddenly all fixed, large boxes on the lawn their kids ended up playing in (before relocating to our lawn, hence my previous post!). I doubt they called the landlord - I was considering doing that myself to be honest, but never got to it. It seems loud guy (who I'm sure I've complained about before) has moved out now though, so maybe things will be fine from here on in.

Damn, it seems Ice McGunface has raped the battery on this laptop. I've been here half of Viva La Vida and it's already down to 50%.

I'm sure I'll remember everything I was going to write about once the battery hits 5% and the computer shuts itself down...

Here are some of the pics we found on the laptop. I know I made the last entry friends-only, but fuck it. If you missed that one, sign in to get the story, and then check these out. I've shrunk the pics to make it easy on your bandwidth - 17 pics, each about 20k. This right here is Mr I-Tattooed-My-Chest-With-Guns' Facebook page... It's open to anyone, so if you sign in, you can see how much of a loser this fuck is.

I'm not going to write his name here, lest he knows how to use Google.
( Click here to check it out... )

Yeah, that is who you (might) think it is in the last two pics. You'd think she had learnt her lesson, huh? It's no coincedence her pics are here, seeing as she's been leaving messages on his Facebook recently.

EDIT: I've made this public now.

The police recovered our old laptop. We retrieved it last night, turned it on and found the crim who stole it had changed the username and password. The password hint was 'CASH'. It took me only four guesses (two, if you don't count upper/lower case attempts) to crack that code: I typed 'MONEY' and was in.

And wow.

There was over a gigabyte of photos and videos of the crim, his mates and their activities stored on the hard drive. Hundreds of high-quality images of he whom I shall refer to as Ice, at this stage, after his likeness Vanilla Ice (or P-Money, but P-Money could probably find me, and I doubt Vanilla Ice will care). Hundreds of pics of (presumably) ill-gotten goods such as cars (complete with number plates), jewellery, expensive watches, televisions, weapons and massive, spectacular wads of cash - both Kiwi, American, and bizarrely, South African.

There were pics and videos of his apartment, his hoes (what's the technical term for those tattoos that sluts have that span their lower abdomen, just above their naughty bits? Reverse tramp-stamp?), his (once again, presumably) accomplices, their island holiday(s) and 'gangsta' poses for the camera.

There were Bluetooth contacts installed on the computer with several names, some of whom are probably also neck-deep in all this tomfoolery. Ice had even conveniently put most of my random stuff into a separate folder, which made it easy to find. He called the folder, 'SHIT', but hey, he didn't delete any of it.

He'd been using the computer as his main internet connection for the past few weeks, going by the history in Internet Explorer (he was too stupid to use Firefox, evidently). We found what he's been buying and selling on TradeMe recently (nothing of ours unfortunately), and his Facebook page, where he professes to have a degree in criminology he earned while in prison in 2005. Ha.

But this is where things get pretty weird, and kind of awesome, in a funny kind of way. In at least one candid picture (that we've found so far) is a local (semi?) celebrity (I don't know which category they fall into really) with a history of well-publicised drug problems. This person has also left a couple of messages recently on Ice's Facebook page in the past couple of weeks - they've been hanging out, and she wants to go to dinner with him.

But....... his current Facebook status: "is on his way back to the rock !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", and there are now a few messages from people calling him an idiot.

Buahahaha.

Damn I wish I knew whether it would be fine to just actually out and name names, post pics, grrr. Probably not a good idea though. Actually, it probably doesn't matter, but hey. This'll do for now.

I've heard about crims being caught because they took a photo of themselves with a camera they stole, but this is ridiculous. There's enough stuff on the hard drive to bring down a globe-trotting syndicate of wigga idiots and their celebrity admirers.

I do wish he hadn't left the computer buggy, slow and underperforming though. I installed and ran AVG Anti-Virus overnight, but when I picked it up this afternoon it did a system restore, so I'm just redoing all that again now.

Sorted the insurance stuff today, as you can see, and read. But check out those sexy axes above. Ooh yeah. Ebony and ivory.

I jsut watched Outfoxed, on the Documentary Channel, was quite interesting - nothing I didn't already know/assume, but the level of detail and extent to which Fox are, um, evil, was pretty eye-opening.

Been a long week - not even finished unpacking (tomorrow is the target date), had some windows replaced, stove replaced, the plumber around twice, and the day before we moved, or the day itself, Kosh managed to get himself bit real bad, and for a night we thought he might have Cat AIDS, but luckily the test came back negative. He's had a pink bandage on the last few days, had it taken off and a thermometer stuck up his ass today, but he's doing okay.

Alright, I'm off to read cracked.com's entries for the past week.

So I've had my first day at my first 'proper', 'grown-up', 'career' job, and yeah. Was pretty sweet. Mainly involves adapting stories from the wire services and the broadcast for the website, at least that's what I've been shown so far. I'm told there's much more to learn. For now I sit a couple of metres from Samantha Hayes, and in the afternoon I saw Hilary Barry and Mike McRoberts doing their thing in the lead-up to the 6pm news on the other side of the room. All this star-struckedness is bound to wear off by the end of the week, I'm sure.

If you needed another sign that record companies are insane, check this out: Universal are now saying that if you receive a promo copy of an album to review, then throw it out once you're done, you are illegally 'redistributing' the album. To your rubbish bin.

They're getting worse than insurance companies, huh? We've noticed a few things more that vanished on Friday, like two sets of headphones and once again, the washing basket. What is it with thieves and washing baskets?

As a going-away present, Mark got me this book. It's pretty damn hefty.

TOP ALBUMS OF THE LAST WEEK

1. Duffy - Rockferry
2. Supergrass - Diamond Hoo Ha
3. REM - Accelerate
4. Muse - HAARP
5. Raconteurs - Consolers of the Lonely

The following were stolen from our house in Mt Albert this evening - if you see any of the following pop up on trademe in the next few days, PLEASE let me know - email me at motorcycleemptiness at gmail.com. Thanks.

#1: Italia bass guitar - brown, with a carved out "f hole" style thing above the strings. Was in a hard, rectangular large, heavy black case. There are a few bits of breadtag plastic under the E string at the bridge, holding it up a bit higher to prevent fret buzz. As below, taken the first day I got it:



#2: Epiphone LP-100 elec guitar - black. Has one or two small stickers of a blue heart (the threadless.com logo) on it, otherwise in pretty good nick. Was in a large, black acoustic guitar case with side pockets (I hope whoever stole it likes my songs). The pic isn't mine, but looks exactly like it:



#3: Green bag of guitar gear, with a pic of a gorilla, containing - purple bass distortion pedal, silver compression pedal, some luna spark 'Scud Of Freedom' CDs, a few leads (all black) and a couple of adjustable power adaptors, dented dynamic microphone, and a few sets of guitar strings.

#4: HP DV6302TX laptop - serial number (S)CNF7183C5. Mostly black, bit of a widescreen.

#5: Sony Cybershot T3 5.1 megapixel digital camera, in small black case.

#6: Slimline black Playstation 2 with 'Music 2000' and a memory card containing Music 2000 files. They were old, OLD luna spark pieces I was transcribing into FL Studio, damnit, I wasn't finished.

#7: Dell laptop - grey with an Apple logo sticker over the Dell logo on the top (wasn't me, don't ask).

And a vacuum cleaner, a houseload of cutlery, some sharp and expensive knives, and a 3L bottle of 42 Below vodka.

So we report stolen two stereos, a lage flatscreen TV and a Cybershot digital camera, and the insurance company, after a month or so of fucking around, decides that's all worth $700. Fucktards.

EDIT: Tariqa read the letter wrong. We get mostly new stuff instead! :)

TOP 5 ALBUMS OF THE LAST FORTNIGHT!

1. On An Island - David Gilmour
2. Both Sides of the Gun - Ben Harper
3. Eye To The Telescope - KT Tunstall
4. Punches - Punches
5. Kind of Blue - Miles Davis


To be honest, I've listened to fuck all recently, bar whatever we've been playing at work. I struggled to get five... but I have been listening to the David Gilmour album a lot, it's surprisingly good. I think I'll give up on 'songs'.

So we've started moving stuff over to the new place, basically just to get all the expensive trinkets and things out of here incase they come back to steal what they didn't last time. Our new place has two locks on the door, which is a good start. We also get a pretty nice view of the harbour bridge, not to mention other elevated roading systems around spaghetti junction.

Procrastination is the greatest when you're meant to be packing.

I'm gonna keep this light and humourourous, cause despite being unlucky enough to have this happen to us, it could have been a whole lot worse.

Remember at our last place, around the corner, we had overdosing drug dealers living upstairs... now we've had our current place broken into, a week before we move out of it. Funny thing is, the criminal (my expert training in the CIBCBA leads me to believe there was only one) doesn't appear to have been too bright. They took Tariqa's camera, but not the dock for it - the camera, in the short term at least, is useless without the dock - they took my six year old barely working stereo (I'm the only one who knows which bits to pull and wrench just to get it to play a CD), Tariqa's stereo (forgetting the power lead), a box of jewellery (that was sitting right next to a watch worth more, monetarily at least, which they left behind), a washing basket (not before emptying the contents), eight cans of Coke Zero (to fit through the tiny window they came in, they'd have to be a Coke Zero fan, as opposed to sugary normal Coke), a six pack of yoghurt (once again, they had no interest in the fatty luncheon or the ice cream, just the healthy stuff), my smelly old $20 fake Chucks, and my half-busted Vodafone bag - but only after emptying the contents (which included two guitar effects pedals, a Playstation controller, and two microphones). They also attempted to steal the TV, but gave up, leaving it on the pathway next to the house. Oh, and I think they might have stolen two Oasis CDs, but the house is pretty messed up, so they might just be lying around somewhere.

What gets me is they even took the time to move all the guitars and keyboards out of the way of the back door, nicely arranging them on the bed... Even my mixer was left alone, though it was partly obscured by a Star Wars t-shirt, so maybe it was protected by the Force. That alone would be worth just as much as everything they took put together... and with the forty or so brilliant unreleased masterpieces of mine recorded on it, a million times so! He he. They also had no interest the desktop, all the DVD and CD box sets lying around (once again I thank the Force), the awesome futuristic looking toaster, or the small TV they could actually carry. 

Oh, and on the off chance the insurance company rep finds this blog, they also stole my Force FX Obi-Wan Lightsaber, and my Fender Jag-Stang. 

But seriously, it could have been a lot worse I suppose. Then again, we probably haven't fully realised just yet what else is missing. The most annoying thing here is that someone, some arsehole, has been through our house, knows what's there and all about us, and god only knows what they might do next. It's true that the feeling of being violated outwieghs that of what may have gone missing.

Of course, if they stole my songs, I might feel differently...

Oddly enough, we had the laptop with us, at an ex-workamate of Tariqa's, and were we doing a little bit of 'borrowing' of our own. Hellooooo Red Dwarf seasons 1-7... 

And now I'm stuck at work.